I’ve been a divorce professional for over 11 years. In that time I’ve received some interesting emails from people seeking divorce advice. Emails that had me scratching my head and asking, “Why would you ask that of me” or, “Why do you even need to ask that question?”
At times relationship problems can rob us of our ability to think straight and make the right choices. I have heavy proof of this via emails in my inbox. And, there is no limit to the damage “loving” someone and fearing losing them can do to a person’s self-esteem. Again, I have proof in my inbox.
I’m a tolerant person; I know the pain and stress of divorce due to my own experience. I’m always measured in response to these emails and put effort into being empathetic. I don’t always want to be though; it can be difficult to hold back when an email is absolutely preposterous, ridiculous or spiteful and the writer feels entitled to my opinion or time. For example…
10 Emails I’d Prefer Not To Receive And How I Wish I Could Respond:
1. Q: I’m fighting for custody in [insert state here] can you send me the state Family Court code related to child custody?
A: Uh, no, no I can’t. Wait, that isn’t right, I could but I’m not going to.
2. Q: I need a divorce lawyer in [insert name of city and state] can you send me the name of one?
A: Why yes, let me get right on that for you. I’ll just check through my data base of EVERY divorce attorney in the country. NOT!
3. Q: My wife has had 6 affairs during our 10 year marriage; do you think I should divorce her?
A: That is a question only you can answer. But, why the hell is that a question you even have to ask?
4. Q: My boyfriend’s ex-wife gets all his money because he is her baby daddy. He has 4 “kids” with her and now we have two together. It isn’t fair that he has to pay all his money to her when we can’t afford to take care of our “kids.”
A: Go away, please. I don’t even want to discuss it.
5. Q: Call me tomorrow at (xxx) xxx-xxxx; I need to talk to you about my crazy ex-husband.
A: Uh, no, please don’t wait by the phone.
6. Q: I’m doing my divorce without an attorney. Can you send me a copy of the paperwork I need to file in court?
A: Uh, no, no I can’t.
7. Q: My husband drinks every day. He doesn’t have a job and I need to know how to make him stop drinking and start treating me good. I’m 7 months pregnant. Tell me what to do.
A: You don’t want to hear what I think you should do!
8. Q: Can you please email me everything you know about divorce in [insert state/country here]?
A: Uh, no!
9. Q: Telling a man that ‘for me a cuddle is just as nice as sex sometimes’ and expecting a man to understand that and act accordingly is sexist to the extreme. Why are women so STUPID?
A: It’s in our DNA; we are hard wired to expect consideration. What can I say? That extreme sexist aspect of us causes us to set high expectations. I’ll get right to work on changing that pesky aspect of our personality!
10. Q: I Googled your name. Why are you such a feminist c*nt?
A: We can blame that on my Daddy. He is, after all, the one who taught me not take shit from assholes like you.
As a qualification I’d like to add, there are no stupid divorce questions. There are days, however, when I’m not in the mood to answer questions people should either know better than to ask, or should already know the answer to.
So, if you are reading this and wondering if you should leave your husband who has been cheating on you from day one, this is my response, yes. And no, I don’t have the name of an attorney in your state and city.
And if you are a man who doesn’t like women, keep your opinions to yourself, please.