I’ve been a divorce professional for over 11 years. In that time I’ve received some interesting emails from people seeking divorce advice. Emails that had me scratching my head and asking, “Why would you ask that of me” or, “Why do you even need to ask that question?”
At times relationship problems can rob us of our ability to think straight and make the right choices. I have heavy proof of this via emails in my inbox. And, there is no limit to the damage “loving” someone and fearing losing them can do to a person’s self-esteem. Again, I have proof in my inbox.
I’m a tolerant person; I know the pain and stress of divorce due to my own experience. I’m always measured in response to these emails and put effort into being empathetic. I don’t always want to be though; it can be difficult to hold back when an email is absolutely preposterous, ridiculous or spiteful and the writer feels entitled to my opinion or time. For example…
10 Emails I’d Prefer Not To Receive And How I Wish I Could Respond:
1. Q: I’m fighting for custody in [insert state here] can you send me the state Family Court code related to child custody?
A: Uh, no, no I can’t. Wait, that isn’t right, I could but I’m not going to.
2. Q: I need a divorce lawyer in [insert name of city and state] can you send me the name of one?
A: Why yes, let me get right on that for you. I’ll just check through my data base of EVERY divorce attorney in the country. NOT!
3. Q: My wife has had 6 affairs during our 10 year marriage; do you think I should divorce her?
A: That is a question only you can answer. But, why the hell is that a question you even have to ask?
4. Q: My boyfriend’s ex-wife gets all his money because he is her baby daddy. He has 4 “kids” with her and now we have two together. It isn’t fair that he has to pay all his money to her when we can’t afford to take care of our “kids.”
A: Go away, please. I don’t even want to discuss it.
5. Q: Call me tomorrow at (xxx) xxx-xxxx; I need to talk to you about my crazy ex-husband.
A: Uh, no, please don’t wait by the phone.
6. Q: I’m doing my divorce without an attorney. Can you send me a copy of the paperwork I need to file in court?
A: Uh, no, no I can’t.
7. Q: My husband drinks every day. He doesn’t have a job and I need to know how to make him stop drinking and start treating me good. I’m 7 months pregnant. Tell me what to do.
A: You don’t want to hear what I think you should do!
8. Q: Can you please email me everything you know about divorce in [insert state/country here]?
A: Uh, no!
9. Q: Telling a man that ‘for me a cuddle is just as nice as sex sometimes’ and expecting a man to understand that and act accordingly is sexist to the extreme. Why are women so STUPID?
A: It’s in our DNA; we are hard wired to expect consideration. What can I say? That extreme sexist aspect of us causes us to set high expectations. I’ll get right to work on changing that pesky aspect of our personality!
10. Q: I Googled your name. Why are you such a feminist c*nt?
A: We can blame that on my Daddy. He is, after all, the one who taught me not take shit from assholes like you.
As a qualification I’d like to add, there are no stupid divorce questions. There are days, however, when I’m not in the mood to answer questions people should either know better than to ask, or should already know the answer to.
So, if you are reading this and wondering if you should leave your husband who has been cheating on you from day one, this is my response, yes. And no, I don’t have the name of an attorney in your state and city.
And if you are a man who doesn’t like women, keep your opinions to yourself, please.
I LOVE IT!!!!! I needed the giggle. There are two people in this world I want to be like if I ever grow up and you are one.
Thanks Bella! I’m quite honored but I don’t know where you get the impression that I’m a grown up 😉
I was at my lawyer’s office the other day and the secretary received a call – the woman asked if she knew of a lawyer who would work for less than $100 an hour. She said she didn’t and tried to refer the woman to the local legal aid office – then the woman asked the secretary if she’d go ask all the lawyers in the firm if they knew of any. Ummmm…no.
This is a very humourous list. Thanks for sharing Cathy.
LOL! That is what I’m talking about Live. That since of entitlement, the belief that EVERYONE should do WHATEVER is needed because they have a problem. A little hint into why there might be a divorce in the works.
Those are some doozies! I especially like #4 🙂
Perhaps some of the confusion of people sending such emails stems from referring to yourself as a ‘divorce professional’. I must say I have no idea what sort of thing I could expect based solely on that job title. Is it the legal side or emotional side of divorce, or a shelter, or a website forum thing? Perhaps this is a dumb questions that you prefer not to receive too. My excuse is that I’m European 😉
Caroline, I have a website that goes into great deal about the work I do and don’t do. I also go into detail about my fees. The emails above come from the contact form on my website. People ignore the information on my website and send me their questions anyway. They want answers, they want it now and they don’t want to be charged. I have paying clients. Taking time out of my day to send emails to people who want something for nothing takes away time I could be spending on those paying clients.