I read a comment by a man in an article about women and divorce. You know, some men don’t like women, they especially don’t like women who file for divorce. This was an Andrew Tate type man. I’m sure he is full of thoughts on the modern woman and has a longing for the good old days when women know their place.
Anyway, this man had it all figured out. He thought he did, anyway. For him, it was all about money. Men work themselves half to death but can never satisfy a selfish woman.
“So, if he works long hours to get the house the new car, and sends the kids to expensive schools because he is paying high property taxes. You are getting a divorce? And if he is not ambitious enough by killing himself to make more money to have a more luxurious lifestyle you are getting a divorce? So how come our grandparents were happy with the little they had but were happily married?”
I can tell, from reading that comment that he was the type of man who worked 6 days a week, 10 hours a day. He came home from work and sat in front of the television and waited for his wife to put dinner on the table.
After dinner, he plopped down in front of the television again while the wife got the kids bathed and ready for bed and then cleaned up the kitchen. This man is a knuckle-dragging neanderthal who believes that he did manly things like earn money and the wife did womanly things like run the household and raise the young’uns.
I can almost guarantee you also, that his wife worked too but since he made more money than her, her job was more of a hobby than an income-producing endeavor. She was tired, stressed, and overwhelmed and when she tried to share her feelings with him he tuned out. After all, life was good, so she really had nothing to complain about. She’d get over it.
Imagine his surprise and dismay when she filed for divorce and took her life into her own hands.
And then there was this comment…“If a victim or victim’s family member can forgive and even start a friendship with a rapist or murderer, there is always hope, there is always a chance of reconciliation. I know it is not easy, but it is POSSIBLE. Women are just less willing to practice forgiveness!”
This man thought that women should be willing to forgive men who did things that could be compared to rape and murder. “He beat you? Forgive him!” We all know who this man is, don’t we? He is a Christian man. In his eyes divorce is certainly not an act of faith and there is nothing more important to him than his FAITH. Certainly not his wife who, according to his biblical belief is inferior to him. He is a man, she is a woman! She is to stand by her man even if it is with bruises on her face.
Neither one of these men have an inkling as to why women leave a marriage. They have skewed opinions that keep them from having to take any responsibility and do any navel-gazing. They can keep on keeping on, making that next wife miserable cause it isn’t their problem.
But let’s talk about the reality behind that 73% of women who file for divorce and why they do it. And I want ya’ll to come back in a couple of weeks and read the comments left by men. This article will go right over their heads. And they can continue to take no responsibility for the state of their marriages.
8 Reasons Women File for Divorce More Than Men
Domestic violence is a major reason why women file for divorce more than men. Women are more likely to experience physical and emotional abuse in their marriage and thus more likely to seek a way out.
Women are more likely to feel betrayed by their partner’s infidelity than men. This feeling of betrayal can lead to divorce.
Lack of Intimacy:
Women are more likely to feel neglected if their partner does not show enough interest in them or fails to provide the emotional support they need. This lack of connection can lead to a breakdown in the marriage.
Because of the educational and career trends noted above, women are more empowered to leave marriages that make them miserable. The shifts in educational and career status have liberated them. Women have become more independent and financially secure in their own right. Regardless of the individual reasons that make them ultimately want to leave their marriage, empowerment is the reason they are able to leave.
Gender roles also play a big part in men not leaving the marriage. Since women tend to do more shopping, cooking, and cleaning than men do, men have a greater lifestyle change if they leave the marriage. Men are not as motivated to leave the marriage even if they have strayed outside their marriage. This is partly about being able to “have their cake and eat it too” and partly because they are more complacent. They just won’t leave unless they are forced to.
Remember the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”? For part of the movie, Carrie Fisher’s character, Marie, is involved with a married man. In several scenes, she is talking to her girlfriends and feels that she is wasting her time. At one point, she tells her friend Sally (Meg Ryan), ”He just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. He’s never going to leave her.” Sally tells her, “No one thinks he is ever going to leave her.” Marie says, ”You’re right, I know you’re right.” When Harry Met Sally Quotes
Women are often the ones responsible for handling the finances in a marriage, and so if the financial situation becomes difficult, it is more likely to be the woman who will take the lead on filing for divorce.
A woman is less likely to put up with a husband who doesn’t pull his weight, jumps from one job to the next, and leaves her feeling she is less than fanatically secure.
Women may be more likely to take action if they are feeling unhappy or unsatisfied in the marriage. Men often feel more pressure and are less concerned with their wife’s unhappiness. They have a “make it work” or stay in an unhappy marriage, whereas women may be more likely to take the initiative to seek a way out.
Women are often left with no other choice than divorce:
Men are notorious for leaving women and their children in a lurch. They abandon their families for the new flavor of the month or because they hit midlife and a crisis. They don’t have to bother with divorce because they know their wives will take care of that pesky task before she allows him to destroy them financially.
And there you have it, what women know, and men refuse to acknowledge.
John McElhenney says
Your article reads like a paralegal investigator telling us why women file for divorce and men are left confused. I think you are missing the biggest point of your argument. Women file for divorce because in most states in the US they are going to get all of the cake and get “every other weekend” off to start dating again. I’m an advocate for 50/50 shared parenting as the starting point for divorce. And that’s how my ex-wife started negotiations. When she learned she didn’t have to negotiate at all, she could just ask for the “divorce package” from the state of Texas, that’s what she did.
This sentence does the heavy lifting at the conclusion of your article.
“Men often feel more pressure and are less concerned with their wife’s unhappiness. They have a “make it work” or stay in an unhappy marriage, whereas women may be more likely to take the initiative to seek a way out.”
Yes, when the consequences for women in most states are so low, it’s no wonder they are choosing to leave the marriage when they are unhappy.
DivorcedMoms Staff says
That is a really surprising comment from you. You hold yourself out as an enlightened person, one who can view situations from both sides. How disheartening that you are so far off the mark!
J Mercurial says
Odd you didn’t publish my response to this one. But you’re actually missing my question. What if divorce started at 50/50 without child support? I imagine this would cutdown on the divorce pandemic we’re in the middle of. As far as me claiming to be enlightened, those are your words, not mine.
DivorcedMoms Staff says
50/50 without child support? If your ex-wife makes $48,000, and you make $148,000 you don’t want to help her support your children. You are perfectly happy with your children living the lifestyle she can afford to give them while not on your custody time? While you live high on the hog? That says a lot about you as a man and father. And, you’re wrong, the “divorce pandemic” would continue. Something you are failing to understand, women have outgrown men like you. They’d rather live in poverty with their children than live with an abusive, cheating, lazy ass men.
J Mercurial says
Again, I’m so sorry you feel name calling is a good way to carry on a conversation. You’re perspective is frightening “an abusive, cheating, lazy ass men.” I’m sure you’re not talking about me. Yes, 50/50 without child support, unless that’s what is negotiated by the courts. Today, we start with dads getting 30% of the children’s time and 100% of the child support payments. It starts the conversation about parenting post-divorce as a war. It doesn’t have to be. It shouldn’t be. But for all the “abusive, cheating, lazy ass” women out there, I guess it’s a win. You see, the harm cuts on both sides. Your premise, “clueless” and “abusive, cheating” men appears to have clouded your view of a healthy marriage and what could be a healthy divorce. Why does it have to be war? Why do you have to lead by insulting me and all the other dads?
DivorcedMoms Staff says
Why did you have to lead by insulting women AND children, for that matter? My view comes from working in this industry for over 18 years and having a FB community of over 20,000 women. What most men consider a healthy marriage has nothing to do with an actual healthy marriage. And according to Pew research, 82% of custody cases are determined by agreement between the parents before a lawyer or mediator is even contacted. In other words, the vast majority of men, don’t want responsibility for their children, let alone 50/50 custody. Just because you wanted 50/50 custody doesn’t mean all men want it. And, since about 78% of states have presumptive 50/50 custody laws, there is a reason you didn’t get it. What is that?