You set me free. You let me go to find a better fit for me. Thank you!
I have been thinking about you a lot lately. About the way we used to talk and the things we used to talk about. I loved the way you listened.
You always asked the right questions, without pretense or judgment.
Your voice was like velvet, deep and lush. And your laugh made my heart sing. The sound of you was one of the great pleasures of my life.
You often spoke without speaking, there is profound wisdom in that. You taught me that silence has a lot to say and that it is not always abusive. That it is not necessary to fill space with words. And that the body has a language all its own, especially when it is in close proximity to another.
My body told you things that I didn’t know she knew. She communicated desire, hunger, ecstasy, and contentment. She used signs and symbols, sound and wordlessness, stretches and shudders. She whispered secrets and declared surrender.
You reintroduced me to the parts of me that I had hidden.
I tried to shield myself from feeling too much, only to find that it was impossible to quarantine something that was so voluminous. My heart was not concerned with the risk of loving someone who wouldn’t stay.
Sometimes during long stretches of clarity, I begin to forget about us. But then I hear a song or smell a scent and it all comes rushing back again. The memories are brutally vivid and harshly void of accuracy. My mind was really good about filling in all the spots where your emotions were unavailable and pouring your presence into the holes left by your absence.
But time has a way of chiseling the truth out of fictionalized experiences. I can now see that you did not walk out on me… you set me free.
Peace out and I thank you
Christy M-S says
OMG!!!! I love this
Yes, my now ex did set me free. He was and still is a full-fledged narcissist who treated me for 36 years like a roommate with benefits, He walked out of our ling term marriage of 36 years at the 33 year point suddenly, leaving me feeling devastated, lost and feeling like the floor beneath me gave way. It was only due to my finding a book called “Runaway Husbands” by Dr. Vicki Stark whose own husband suddenly left her, that truly saved my life.
I know now, I was too good for him, but always was treated with lack of respect and value.
So happy I am free and I have moved on gracefully with my new life at age 61 years old.
Thanks for your post. My narcissist husband left me after 38 years with a 2 day notice to go live with the new girlfriend he positioned to take my place. I’m so happy to be free of him, but I’m still in the divorce process which is so stressful and extra insane because he poses as normal and charming when in fact he is evil and without conscience. I will get the book you recommended.
good book – “ He’s history, you’re not”
My ex left after 40 years for a woman half his age. Still reeling after nearly 5 years, but every year gets easier.
I contributed to Vikki Stark’s sequel Planet Heartbreak. This happens to so many women
( and men). We survive, and come out of it stronger and wiser.