Narcissists are not brave individuals. Despite their puffed-up chest, they are scared little paper tigers that can easily be blown away by anyone who catches wind of their antics.
In this article, I will go over 10 things narcissists hate & fear the most.
I think you will find that their fears and hatred are comical in nature, as well as outstandingly pathetic.
10 Things Narcissistic Men Fear the Most
1. Shame
Shame is unpleasant for everyone, but for the narcissist, it’s absolutely horrifying. The main reason is that shame could negatively impact his reputation and give him a lower status in his social circle.
Since narcissists live for being admired and their pride is of great importance, doing something that could make the narcissist look bad in the eyes of others or make them feel ashamed is one of the most dreaded experiences for them.
2. Rejection
The narcissist usually puts on a mask so that they can be accepted and liked by others. They wouldn’t admit that anyone could be put off by their egotistic character.
If a person decides to leave the narcissist’s life, the latter will take it personally and will surely try to bring the other person back.
However, if they don’t succeed, they’ll probably start slandering their former friend.
The reason for such behavior is that behind the narcissist’s fake attitude lies a frightened little soul who is terrified that they aren’t good enough, but they would never say it openly. They’ll be likely to do whatever it takes to keep their reputation.
3. Failure
Narcissists fear failure or being outshined. They just can’t accept there’s someone out there who’s better than them. On top of that, if a narcissist can’t achieve their goal, they will always blame someone else for it, even if it is obvious that it’s entirely their fault.
They usually blame their closest people for having hindered them from succeeding. This is actually the only way to feel a bit better about their failure.
4. Getting Called Out on Their Lies
Narcissists are famous for lying or exaggerating certain things to make themselves appear more important or impressive. They also do this to make themselves feel better about their own standing in society.
So it’s only logical that one of a narcissist’s greatest fears is having those lies and exaggerations exposed. It’s not just that getting called out would bring them shame or show them as less than what they are – it’s the fact that it reveals to the world how weak and insecure they really are.
It brings their whole fake world crashing down around them, and as already stated, narcissists think the world revolves around them. And while they are spinning their lies and exaggerations about their own accomplishments, part of them knows deep down that they’re stretching the truth. And from the minute they start telling these lies, they become incredibly paranoid about the fact that someone might one day uncover them.
5. Feeling Remorse
Another key characteristic of narcissism is the inability to feel remorse. It’s not just that they can’t feel remorse; it’s that they actively refuse to show remorse. This fierce rejection of the very notion of feeling bad about hurting others is indicative of very deep fear.
It’s a total denial of remorse. And why do they fear remorse so much? It’s simple. To them, remorse is a characteristic of weakness. Remorse, to them, shows vulnerability and emotional frailty. And to feel remorse is to open yourself up to that weakness.
Remorse is also in its basest form, the acceptance that you have made a mistake. And for proud and haughty individuals such as narcissists, this can be unthinkable. More than that – it can be a major source of fear. Remorse is also a way of apologizing, which is also unthinkable for self-aggrandizing people with narcissistic traits.
6. Feeling Gratitude
Another feeling that narcissists reject and fear is gratitude. Gratitude, like remorse, is another emotion that is perceived as a sign of weakness by people who are narcissistic. To the narcissist, gratitude is, in a sense, giving other people power over yourself.
It’s the acceptance that you owe something to someone. It also forces you to come to terms with the fact that you might have needed someone else’s help. To narcissistic people, they think of themselves as these all-powerful beings that rise far above others in superiority.
The acceptance that someone else did something valuable for them brings them crashing back down to earth. The notion that someone else gave them something they needed not only puts them on the same level as others but it also makes them feel like they’re weaker or lower down on the social ladder. And this is one of the narcissistic man’s greatest fears.
7. Public Humiliation
When a narcissist feels that he’s losing face or failing at something in front of an audience, it creates a lot of psychological distress and cognitive dissonance. Narcissists cannot tolerate failure of any sort, and public humiliation is considered the worst type of failure that could happen.
A narcissist’s ego is an extremely fragile thing, and when he feels he is being laughed at or is losing the respect of others, it can be tremendously upsetting. The narcissist’s ego is the only protection they have from the world, and when their ego integrity is breached, narcissists often respond in ways that seem markedly out of proportion to the circumstances of average people.
Unfortunately, the ego of a narcissist is already so inflated that they never focus on self-growth when in relationships. Their own self-assessment of their worth and value confirms that they are already significantly evolved and accomplished.
They are unable to fathom why a partner may be disappointed in their behavior or in the relationship. By being so out of touch with the realities of relationships, their reaction to the dissatisfaction of their partners is driven by fear.
8. Abandonment and rejection.
Narcissists are afraid of being rejected or abandoned. That’s why they fly into rages and punish and threaten you if you threaten to leave them and love bomb you if you do manage to get away.
To reject a narcissist means you are rejecting the false self they have so carefully constructed to impress you. To reject that false self negates their entire reason for existing since whatever true self they may have left is completely inaccessible to them, and the false self cannot survive on its own; it’s completely dependent on the approval and attention of others who it feeds from like a vampire.
When you reject a narcissist, they are forced to confront their own emptiness, and nothing scares them more than that. They will fight tooth and nail to avoid it, even if it means they have to destroy you in the process.
9. Being ignored.
This is a no-brainer. Ignoring a narcissist means giving them no supply at all, and without a narcissistic supply, the narcissist dies a slow death. Or believes they will.
That’s why some narcissists would even rather be hated to being ignored. Negative attention is still attention, and at least it provides an acknowledgment that they still exist.
When you ignore a narcissist, it’s as frightening to them as being killed. They’re no longer confident they exist without your attention.
10. Exposure.
Exposing a narcissist and their false lives cause deep anger in them. Their anger might be expressed in rage or in more covert means such as the silent treatment or gaslighting you. They don’t like to be held accountable for the things they do to others because that means they have to admit they are less than perfect.
It also means they have to acknowledge the humanity of someone else, which they aren’t capable of doing. Narcissists are all too aware of their imperfections, but only at the subconscious level, and the way they handle this is to project their own imperfections onto you.
So a narcissist might tell you that YOU are the narcissistic one or that YOU are the abuser. They’re also good at getting others to side against you, and those people become their flying monkeys. They will accuse you of doing things that they themselves have done, and everyone believes them and not you.
FAQs about Narcissistic Men:
Are narcissistic men brave?
Narcissistic men are not brave as evident from their fears and hatred—which are comical as well as pathetic in nature. They may pose as if they have nothing to fear, but, in fact, they are scared little paper tigers that can easily be blown away by anyone who catches wind of their antics.
How do narcissistic men react to shame?
Narcissistic men are horrified at the notion of shame because they believe it can negatively impact their reputation and pull them down to the lowest rung of their social circle. Narcissists cherish their pride and feed on admiration. They can’t stand anything that will bring them shame and consequently make them look bad.
How do narcissistic men take rejection?
Narcissistic men are frightened at the thought of rejection because it reinforces their fear that they are not good enough. Narcissists would try bringing back the person who has left them to satisfy their frightened little soul—hiding behind their fake attitude. They will slander their subject if they fail to bring him or her back.
How do narcissistic men respond to failure?
Narcissistic men will usually blame whoever is most close to them for their failure because they are terrified at the thought of being outshined. Expect a narcissist to blame anyone and everyone for their failure to achieve their goals. Narcissists lay the blame on others so they can feel better about themselves.
Do narcissistic men lie?
Narcissist men lie and exaggerate certain things to build an important and impressive image of themselves. They use smoke and mirror tricks to feel better about their own standing in society.
Do narcissistic men show remorse?
Narcissistic men are incapable of showing remorse because of their inability to feel it. Narcissists reject even the notion of feeling remorse over hurting others because of their deep fear. They fear remorse so much because they feel it is a characteristic of weakness and vulnerability.
Do narcissistic men express gratitude?
You will never find a narcissist expressing gratitude because they look at it as a sign of weakness. Narcissists feel they will give other people some kind of power over them if they expressed gratitude. There is a method to their madness. They think of themselves as these all-powerful beings that are far superior to others. They feel their all too important image comes crashing down as soon as they accept that someone else did something valuable for them.
Can narcissistic men tolerate public humiliation?
Narcissistic men can’t face public humiliation or being laughed at because of their fragile ego. They are perturbed when they feel they are losing the respect of others. When a narcissist feels he’s failing at something in front of people, it creates a lot of psychological distress and cognitive dissonance . Narcissists feel public humiliation is the worst type of failure ever.
How do narcissistic men react if they are ignored?
Some narcissists would prefer being hated than ignored. When you ignore narcissists, you deprive them of narcissistic supply—without which they die a slow death. Narcissists cannot stand being ignored because it deprives them of that attention they cherish so much. They can even settle for negative attention instead of being ignored as it provides an acknowledgment that they still exist. When you ignore a narcissist, they’re no longer confident that they exist without your attention.
What would happen If I expose a narcissistic man?
Beware! You run the risk of inviting a narcissist’s wrath if you dare expose him. A narcissistic man can give you the silent treatment or make you a victim of gaslighting. You will make a narcissist feel less than perfect if you try to hold him accountable for the things they do to others.
I see every subtitle has man or men as the exclusive gender. I understand that this is written by a woman scorned and I do relate to a cheating partner. The truth is, women are more than capable and in my experience better at, everything you have written about. Just my point of view, as you have yours.
There are many definitions of narcissism, and divergent conceptual views of its nature. This piece hits a lot of bullet points, and while there’s nothing necessarily objectionable about that, there are troubling things in this article. For instance:
” … they [narcissistic men] are scared little paper tigers that can easily be blown away … Their fears and hatred are comical in nature, as well as outstandingly pathetic.”
That stands as a self-contained, almost gleefully triumphant, observation. But what is served by contemptuously dismissing psychological fears as “comical” and “pathetic”? Narcissism is often rooted in childhood neglect or abandonment — are its victims just to be shamed and discarded? Ironically, the flavor of this piece, as it builds momentum, is revealing of a separate, but related, psychological phenomenon — namely, the way we often become the very thing we profess to hate. The author ends up displaying a conspicuous lack of empathy — the signature trait of the narcissist.
Childhood neglect and abandonment is no excuse for bad behavior as an adult. Just because childhood neglect and abandonment turned them into ill-equipped adults, adults unable to empathize and relate to others in an emotionally healthy way doesn’t mean they get a free ride or what they, themselves can’t offer others. The narcissist is a danger, they are not to be excused due to childhood issues. Doing so, only gives them ammunition to further abuse those closest to them.
Please do not discount the fact that narcissism can be a byproduct of overvaluation as well. Either way, the narc may have been an innocent victim when they were a child, they are very much cognizant of their behavior and abuse towards their victims as adults. Much of their abuse is premeditated. That being said, I would like to offer a different perspective in regards to your claim the author shows symptoms of narcissism via lack of empathy. Perhaps her having personal insight to her ex’s cruel behavior, purposeful manipulations, his lack of empathy towards her, and especially towards his own offspring, her empathy is reasonably depleted; if not expected. Especially so when it boils down to the man who actively decided to abuse and abandon the very ones who truly love him.
What you ars writing about apolies s to women just as much ( more in my case). I was raised by the most narcistic, gas!lighting , dishonset, game playing mother that you could imagine. Its much worse than a narcistic romantic partner because I was raised like startering as a baby. So I am now 50, and just now figuring this out.
While I understand similarities between narcisstic people there are also things to consider here. There are many that have relationships. Some of which are lasting, some have children. This disorder waivers between the disorder & traits of it. Narcs do have empathy but, tend to turn it on/off when they choose. Understanding these disorders add to our well-being tremendously. We must also look at ourselves and ask why am I attracting them? So we can stop or change our own behaviour, possibly know how to turn the off w/o hurting them or ourselves, when wanting them to just go away. Its difficult to actually know them at first. But, we must gain knowledge to do so, to guard against being hurt by them.