If you are dating, the chances are pretty good that you will either ghost or be ghosted. Ghosting is when one person just fades away without any warning. Off into the sunset, with no phone call, email or text.
I have read and heard stories, that it does not matter how long you have been dating for someone to ghost you. It can happen after three dates or even a year.
As a divorced mom, beginning to date after 21 years of marriage, my self-esteem did not need the hit from being ghosted. There was a man I was seeing for about a month last summer. He lived in a different city than I did. We had a great time together and I saw potential for a future in the relationship. We made plans to get together in the fall. After I left, we exchanged emails for about a month. Then nothing; no response to my last email to him.
I waited for a few weeks and sent an email. After all, I thought, maybe he was ill. He did respond with a very curt, “I am fine.” He didn’t even put my name in the email. I had been “ghosted.”
Of course, I kept going over the last times we were together and rereading his former emails to try to understand what went wrong. Finally, I decided, I did nothing wrong. It was time to dust off my ego and move on.
With the advent of dating apps, cell phones, and online dating, ghosting is becoming more prevalent. Instead of trying to build a relationship, it is much easier to swipe an app to find your next date. We can hide behind our cell phones, text messages and computer screens.
Elle Magazine did an informal study that found 33% of men both ghosted and had been ghosted and 26% of women had both ghosted and been ghosted. These stats helped me see that I was not alone and if I want to continue dating, I would have to accept that this could happen.
The next time I was ghosted was on New Year’s Eve. It was a similar scenario. We had plans to go out and on New Year’s Eve morning, I texted him to see when he would be picking me up. No response. I never heard from him again. This time I thought, “Jerk”, and did not text or call him. Time to move on, again. But, I moved on quicker this time.
What to do if you are ghosted.
1. Maintain your dignity. If you want to reach out to see if he is okay. Text, call, or email him once. If you get no response or a cold response, do not contact him again. Remove him from your contact list, so, you are not tempted to contact him.
2. Find the blessing in the situation. A person who ghosts does not want confrontation and he is not relationship material. Be thankful that you did not waste any more time on this relationship.
3. You deserve respect. It is not nice to ghost someone, you deserve more from a relationship. Don’t chase after someone who has so little to give.
4. You are not the problem. It is normal to go over your last date and last conversations to see what you said or did wrong. More than likely, you did nothing wrong. It may be difficult to admit, but, he is a jerk.
5. Treat others as you would like them to treat you. I strongly believe that what we put out comes back to us. Just because this happened to you, does not mean you need to ghost someone. Resist the urge.
6. If he does come back into your life, he owes you a very sincere apology. Maybe there were some difficult circumstances in his life at the time and he is sorry for how he ended it. It’s doubtful though so don’t hold your breath waiting for an apology.
Now it is time to move forward and stay positive to attract the right relationship.
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