Every now and then, we receive little reminders that no longer being with our ex is a really good thing!
I swear that some people never learn! I would argue that part of our mission to accomplish on Planet Earth is to experience life, learn from our successes and mistakes, then change and adapt as we go. This concept is just lost on some, and I find myself wanting to order one of those t-shirts that says “I’m no longer with stupid!”
That’s right. You know who I’m talking about! I’ve grown, become wiser, and I think became a better person as I’ve progressed through life; but, I find myself still amazed that the same can’t be said for my ex. I know I’m not alone in having an ex that defies common sense and reason. It’s kind of sad to see someone still so stuck in bad habits and not “getting it.” Then again, this is a glaring and poignant reminder of why we’re no longer together!
As the old saying goes “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Essentially, any of us can find ourselves hopelessly trapped in a spell of nonsense and bad decisions for a while; but, most of us will snap out of it at some point and end up shaking our heads at the lack of sense we had during that time. Others of us will only have to go through something awful once before we pledge to never go through that mess again; and, we work really hard to avoid those disasters again!
So, what happened to inspire this discussion today, you ask?
History has repeated itself, once again, when I hear of my former spouse spending a pile of money on something completely ridiculous when he has many needs (mainly for the sake of our children) neglected. Of course, “ridiculous” is all in one’s personal perspective. In my personal opinion, I would never buy a dirt bike when my kids need clothes, my house needs major repairs, and my income is about to disappear for the next three months. That’s just me!
In classic “wasband” fashion, said dirt bike was purchased instead of more obvious necessities, then the transmission went out on his car, and now he doesn’t have money to have his car fixed. I could tell one hundred other tales of similar lapses in judgment…all evidence in the “why are we no longer together” file!
If I came into a bit of unexpected money, I would probably catch up on bills, build an emergency fund, and some other practical things. Again, that’s just me! Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the opportunity to buy fun things for myself, but I am too practical of a person to buy big-ticket frivolous things solely for myself when so many necessities are unmet.
A friend of mine chuckled when I shared my story because she had a similar tale that continually makes her say “thank God that’s no longer my problem!”
When she and her ex were together, they always struggled with money. He always blamed their woes on her, even though she was very conservative with their money. She and her ex have been apart for nine years, and now the truth is evident to everyone: she continues to have what she needs and make financial progress, while he continues to burn his life to the ground with bad choices!
In the time that they’ve been divorced, he’s had no less than four sports cars repossessed. From what she can gather, he has managed to get one loan after another on vehicles. After about a year and a half passes, he either wrecks the car or is unable to continue to make the payment, and the car is towed away. She added that for about four months he was hiding his car in the parking lot of the YMCA because he knew it was a target for repossession, and she kept getting calls asking for the car to be moved!
Once a car is gone, he somehow manages to get a new loan and a new car (probably because he has a well-paying job at one of the biggest employers in their region), and is stuck paying for as many as three cars at once! Meanwhile, she’s driving a modest car around town that she bought used and paid for in full! He regularly complains about not having money, and his priorities seem all out of whack!
It’s pathetic to see adults struggling to make decisions and live without bitter consequences, yet it’s in these moments when many of us feel the weight of ten elephants rise from our shoulders when we realize how fortunate we are to no longer live as prisoners to exes who fail to exercise good judgment! I feel bad for my kids when I hear of large sums of money being spent on man toys when I know they need basic things. It’s a tale as old as time that I have no control over!
What each of us chooses to spend our money on and how we live our life is a choice we are all free to make. The way I manage my affairs and the priorities I make may not make sense to anyone else; but, I have to live with the consequences of my actions. What this all points to is compatibility and the importance of having thorough discussions about things like finances before tying the knot.
Clearly, my ex and I are not compatible. It is such things as buying 4-wheelers, dirt bikes, and canoes when our babies needed formula and school clothes that inspired resentment, frustration, and the end of our marriage. An individual is free to make the choices they want for their lives; but, when one is part of a bigger system of people (namely a family), it’s no longer all about them and what they want.
Often, being an adult is putting things like horsepower and recreation on the back burner to paying the mortgage, and making sure that the needs and wants of others are met. “Adulting” is not always fun; but, maturity is achieved through looking beyond ourselves and thinking ahead to the bigger picture and possible outcomes of our actions.
There’s someone for everyone. All the evidence shows that my ex and I are not meant to be together. I have yet another reason to say “thank you for reminding me why we’re divorced!”
Vinette Olinkiewicz says
You’re describing my ex exactly! I’m hoping all men aren’t that stupid but I see more who are then aren’t . Moms keep being the adult. The kids know who they can depend on & who will take care of them. We will be the “winner” in their eyes in the long run & that’s all that really matters.
v ellison says
I have to agree this all I have been dealing with for the last 7 years is a selfish lying man this year I decided I had enough of it
My recent reminder that he was and always was a narcissist (but I never even knew the term until he walked out of our 36 year marriage 4 years ago) was when he asked me via Facebook messenger if I had his degree certificates- Bachelors and Master’s. We are not friends at all and I did not respond at all nor confirm his FB request, but stunned at his audacity to even think I kept his degrees. When he walked out suddenly, I threw out my wedding album, my wedding ring, cut up every single picture with him in it, yet he thinks that I kept his degrees?
Thank goodness he left. I am so much stronger without him.