This is Date-orologist Chris Armstrong broadcasting simultaneously from St. Louis and Toledo. After my first forecast article last week, I have received 186 stories to assess and forecast from across the country. I was able to write back with forecasts to almost all of you, and I promise to finish that out by the end of the week. But, I can only highlight a couple of them here.
Ellen and Herself:
Meet Ellen Barker, 43. She has been single for 6 years after divorcing her husband of 17 years. And, yes, she divorced him for infidelity. He did not want the divorce though he did not deny cheating on her either. First of all, kudos to you, Ellen, for doing the right thing! You teach people how to treat you, and you respect yourself first.
Back to the matter at hand, as I mentioned, Ellen has been single for 6 years, which includes not having touched another man. Her reason is because she feels as though her ex-husband, and by extension men, in general, have violated her trust. Ellen is very aware of the unfairness of making all men ‘guilty by association,’ and she wants to move on from this mindset. Lastly, she has not tried online dating because she is afraid of cyber stalkers and going on dates with men she only knows virtually.
Her question to me? Can I find someone that I can trust if I have such deep-rooted trust issues in general?
Forecast: Ellen, your trust issues may or may not be deep-rooted. Your feelings are both isolated and untested. Unless, and until, you put yourself back out there, you won’t truly know how far they extend. It will take you communicating with, sitting near, and making eye contact with someone before you know how it (the dating experience) or they (men) truly make you feel.
You are putting all of your emotional eggs in one basket and that will always give you narrow results. I sympathize with the cheating and the trust issues it creates, but you’re mindful enough of this issue to have written me and that tells me that you are already taking a step forward. You’ve gone from doubt and withdraw to doubt and inquiry.
The clouds may still be there, but they’ll clear in the very near future.
Taylor and Scott:
Meet Taylor Schinn a 34-year-old, single mother of two and recently separated from her husband of three years. Taylor does not want to get a divorce, but her husband is not attracted to her anymore. He has very explicitly told her that she’s gained too much weight. Taylor agrees and wants to lose the weight for him.
However, he has already moved on and has a girlfriend. Now, Taylor wants to lose the weight even more and date, date, date. She wants a boyfriend to match her separated husband’s girlfriend.
Taylor did not actually ask me to forecast anything, but I’m going to anyways.
Forecast: If you are dating because your husband won’t take you back, and you need to feel wanted, I can forecast good sex and good times. If that’s what you want, giddyup.
If, on the other hand, you want a boyfriend, I forecast dark clouds and thunderstorms. You are not ready for a boyfriend. You are not getting back out there for the right reason. As well, you will be all sorts of vulnerable, scattered and potentially settling for less than you deserve.
In a lot of cases where a woman has been cheated on and decides to get serious soon after, she will find someone that is faithful without looking for those other traits that truly matter to her. Don’t look for a serious relationship until you know what those traits are that matter to you. Date, have fun, but find yourself first!
Until next week, be the sunshine you want to see in others!
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