For those of you that have experienced a divorce, you know how devastating it can be. People have compared divorce to death. I think divorce can be far worse.
Divorce, Death, Anger, Grief
An unexpected death is final. There’s no negotiating it. You don’t sit and wrestle with doubt, shame, or guilt. There’s a sense of closure. It’s something that has to be accepted at some point because there is no changing or fixing it.
If you’ve experienced both a divorce and the death of a loved one, you know that there are some common themes. For example, asking “How did this happen?”, feeling a sense of helplessness or powerlessness, feeling anger or grief, trying to figure out how to tell other loved ones, feeling like nothing is normal anymore, and carrying a deep sense of loss for what once was…the death of the family unit.
It’s normal to feel all these things, and it’s also common to feel like you are alone when you’re in the midst of it all. That is all we want. To feel like we aren’t alone. To know that we will get through the pain and that one day we will feel “normal” again.
It took me years to articulate the language for what I was experiencing. When you are in it, you have no words. You just know that you don’t like the way you feel. “THIS CAN’T BE IT FOR ME. THERE HAS TO BE MORE.” How would one articulate that when they don’t know what “more” is, they can’t explain the disconnect when they are feeling out of control? All I knew was that I couldn’t do this anymore.
What was it that I couldn’t do anymore? I didn’t know at the time because I was too distracted by living a life that wasn’t my own. I worried about how others would perceive my truth. I was busy taking care of everyone else’s needs, at the cost of completely losing sight of who I was and what my purpose is.
I knew that if I wanted to heal, then I had to be willing to let go.
I had to let go of living a lie, let go of pleasing everyone, let go of being obedient, and let go of the checklist life. I had to stop trying to be the perfect anything, and I had to put down the need to defend and prove my self-worth.
The critics, guilt, fear of the unknown, and judgment are all on the other side of divorce, which is why many people stay in a situation that isn’t serving them. You might feel paralyzed and unable to move. You might not know how you’re going to take care of yourself if you were dependent on someone else to take care of you, so you swallow the fear, and you convince yourself that things aren’t that bad.
What amazes me is all the ways we can convince ourselves, betray ourselves, and neglect what matters most—our spirit. What does this betrayal cost us? Our joy, truth, living our purpose, happiness, love? “Maybe if I don’t tell anyone how I feel or say it out loud, it will go away.” I can attest to saying that it doesn’t. It only gets louder until you pay attention, and it will get your attention.
Or, you may try and drown out the nudges with meaningless distractions, substances, keeping yourself busy. We are good at being busy. Busy keeps our attention on things outside ourselves because we are afraid if we sit too long, we might not like who we have become.
A shell is who I became.
It was a hard realization to look into a mirror and see how I betrayed myself, but it was also one of the most courageous things I had done.
Healing always starts with ourselves. You cannot create change until you are ready to take ownership of your story. Blame has no room in the journey ahead; it is only a roadblock that will keep you stuck in a never-ending cycle.
My digital course entitled, “Untying the Knots of Divorce and Stepping into Your Purpose” was birthed out of one of the most challenging times of my life. I didn’t have much support from those closest to me, and that lack of support forced me to find the tools to real authentic healing. Healing that reconnected me to my power.
Unless this is something you have experienced firsthand, it is difficult to construct the tools to untie yourself from what is holding you hostage. These are the tools that helped me step into living a life of purpose and step away from everything that was getting in the way of that.
Your true essence craves freedom, freedom to know who you are, and the freedom to live a life of fulfillment.
I can honestly say that my soul wrote this digital course. It took a year to brew inside of me, and I had to embody every part of the journey. I asked myself the deep-rooted questions of what the process was that led me to untie all the knots of my divorce so that I can emerge into the beautiful creation I was meant to be, and also be the mom that my children deserved.
In working with many divorced clients, I realized that there is a universal thread that ties all of us divorced moms together. We are connected, we share the same grief, the same wounds, the same suffering. The symptoms are not what’s important, because at the core of it all we have stepped away from our truth and forgotten who we are.
This course will help shed limiting beliefs and bring you back to who you are. It starts with putting the divorce story down and reminding yourself that you have power, and all you have to do is decide to stop letting your divorce story have ownership of that power.
You are not just a wife, a daughter, or a mother. You are a person, and your happiness matters. You didn’t come here to be defined by divorce. Divorce is an experience you had, and nothing else. Allow me to show you how to emerge into your true essence.
For more information about the “Untying the Knots of Divorce & Stepping into Your Purpose,” self-guided digital course click on the link below:
I have implemented most of yoùr steps.
I am totally unable to stop my self-hatred for allowing….now my husband…to totally brainwash me.
In addition, I am unable to stop the enormous hatred of my abusive xhusband.
Those two things have taking control of everything in my life.
I was in domestic violence therapy for four years being abused for 32 years! They lied to be about how the court would be on side at the trial. Evidently, I was supposed to drive myself to the hospital every time he raped me. He told me that he would kill if I told anyone and that he would never let me go. This all lead to P5SD!
My xhusband has convinced himself that he never abused me.
I have tried everything to overcome. It is impossible.