It was just like any other day. A Sunday in fact. The girls were upstairs playing. My husband was fiddling with the remote control. I was getting ready to do my weekly lesson plans. I went to log onto the computer, with the simple hitting of ENTER, my life was forever changed.
To my complete dismay, a message from a woman I knew and was friendly with came up on the screen. “Baby I can’t stop thinking of you.” Immediately, I ran into the other room and confronted my husband. He vehemently denied it, stating they were only friends. I left the house in a rage, drove to the homewreckers house and confronted her. Her only words were, “He doesn’t love you.”
Then I drove to a friends house. I was inconsolable. He called me begging me to believe him. I came home cried and pleaded with him for the truth. His story was comical….Yet I so wanted to believe it. He said they had an emotional affair. No sex? Yeah right? As time went by, I found out what I believe to be the truth. He and his mistress were having sex in her minivan while I was at work for months!
After checking his phone records, I saw they talked for hours at a time. I’m sure there is a lot that I do not know. Needless to say, we both agreed they were going to cut ties with each other. We were going to try to work through this affair. I couldn’t let it go, though. Every day, I asked more and more questions. I wanted to know everything.
Did he love her? He answered, YES. I do love her. I’m not in love with you, but I don’t want to break up our family.
My heart knew I deserved better, my children deserved better, yet, I still did not want a divorce. I was so fearful.
Could I do this alone?
My whole adult life was molded around being a wife and mother. It was all I knew. As old-fashioned as it seems, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. Most of the time, I spent badmouthing the homewrecker around town, which was the wrong thing to do. I cried myself to sleep each night. I loved this man with every ounce of my being. He was my Prince Charming. I was so shocked by his behavior.
What could I have done differently? Nothing. You see, I learned, there was nothing wrong with me. He made those choices.
A few months go by, my husband was in his comfortable recliner passed out with his phone on his chest. My 10-year-old daughter looked at me and said she knew her daddy’s phone code if I needed it. I went into his phone and found exactly what I was looking for. Hundreds of messages proving the affair was still going on. He got up when confronted, and said he loved her, not me. He wanted a divorce.
I was crushed. I cried, I probably begged to work it out.
A divorce would soon be in the works. I was numb, dead inside, so unsure of the future. Our house was sold in a short sale. I moved into an apartment. We agreed on shared custody, which is so very hard. When my girls are not with me, I sleep. I feel like half of a mother.
The only communication between my ex and I is through text. In fact we rarely look each other in the eye. He is still with the woman he had the affair with. I won’t call her a homewrecker anymore. Ultimately, they were both at fault. I have no more rage. I am still mourning the loss of hopes, dreams, and wishes of a future with him. I miss his family. It hurts terribly. They became my family and they no longer communicate with me.
To say my whole life was turned upside down is an understatement. I tried dating, but it didn’t work out. I focus on my children and my job. I get out every now and then, but I am so over that “going out to clubs and bar scene”. I lost my identity in the role of wife and mother. My self-esteem took a blow. I suffered a death, make no mistake. A Divorce is a death.
It turns your life upside down. I still cry at times, but slowly am getting better. I have no choice but to go on with a hopeful heart that I will love again. The devastation I felt will never leave me entirely. I am a changed woman. My hope for the future is that I regain my strength and self-esteem. I want to teach my daughters that they can get through anything in life. I want to inspire other women to become independent, to know that we are more than wives and mothers. We are women! We are strong! We need to empower one another. If my story can help you in some way, then I feel I’ve done my job. And, that is The Ugly Truth!