Vanilla Sex – Is It Necessarily Bad?

I want your sex! When you utter these words thereby channeling your inner George Michael, how much oomph and sincerity is in your voice? This question alone answers the bigger question of whether or not vanilla sex is necessarily bad. For all of the different positions, sex toys and edible ‘arrangements,’ it all comes down to want and pine. To put it simply, sex with someone is only bad if you do not absolutely pine for it. It doesn’t matter if it’s vanilla, chocolate, strawberry or a hint of sea salt and caramel. But I digress.

What is vanilla sex? By all indications in rag mag’s and B-movies, it’s sex without fire. But what does that mean to an individual person? Different things float different people’s boats and thus defining fire becomes a tricky proposition by itself. I’d suggest we simplify the definition of vanilla sex as such: Sex that sticks to the common positions, locations and schedules of sexual partners. Translation: If Wanda and Dale always go missionary in their bed at 9:00 once a week, that’s vanilla sex. 

Is it bad? That depends. Does Wanda look at Dale on any given day and think to herself, “I want your sex!” And, does said want translate to Wanda getting Dale on any given day? According to the aforementioned example, the answer would be no. She gets it once a week. There are unfulfilled wants and thus for Wanda, vanilla sex is bad. There may be people that are okay with routine and who may not be as sexually wanting. For these people, vanilla sex is not bad. But let’s get real.

There are a lot more Wanda’s in terms of desire and frustration with frequency. Taking it a step further, there are a lot more Wandas that, regardless of the frequency, want variety. This can be in positions and locations-among other things. To them, vanilla sex is not only boring and tedious in the moment it’s occurring, but it leaves little to look forward to the next time. And we have circled back to the chant: “I want your sex”. If it’s tedious and boring, the ‘want’ in ‘I want your sex’ becomes less and less so. Who truly wants something that is predictable? And, to the most important point: Who wants these things with someone that does not recognize the monotony and lack of fire that comes as a result?

In sex there is so much more than the act. It’s also about the respect, passion and overall connection with the person for whom we share the act. If they are, by all accounts, vanilla, than by extension the sex is vanilla. If they don’t recognize it’s vanilla for us, than, by extension, the sex is vanilla because they’ll keep serving it the same way. We want a connection that is deep, sultry and unique each time around. Vanilla, by all accounts, is not that. We know it’s white. We know how it’s going to taste. What is unique and sultry about the bland and overly familiar? Nothing. Cold Stone Creamery does not make millions of dollars every year by selling vanilla ice cream. We stand in that line because we like to mix it up. We want the bedroom, kitchen counter and shower to be our Cold Stone’s and we’ll bring our own toppings.  

So is vanilla sex necessarily a bad thing? It depends on what it does to the ‘want’ in ‘I want your sex’. If it lessens the want because sex has become more of the same than yes, it is emphatically a bad thing. It if does not lessen the want and the pleasure, than it is not necessarily a bad thing. I know where I stand. What about you?

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