“Advice,” it’s probably the one thing we all seek when going through a divorce. The best advice you’re going to receive is from your divorce attorney or an expert in the field of divorce.
There is great value in the advice given by those who’ve been through the divorce process and come out the other side. That’s why DivorcedMoms has gathered divorce advice for you from our readers.
Who better to understand what you’re feeling, going through and stressing over than those who’ve also been in your situation?
I do, however, want to urge you to contact a family law attorney if it’s advice about the legal process of divorce that you need.
Divorce Advice from DivorcedMoms Readers:
1. Amber: Be proud of yourself. It takes strength to make this choice. Don’t make any decisions that you won’t feel comfortable telling your children about when they are adults. Have integrity, and accept that you will just have to make peace with some things.
2. Cathy: Make sure it’s what you want. It’s so hard, even if in the heat of the moment it feels right. It’s so painful before during and after. Just be sure.
3. Pattie: Document everything keep all texts and emails. They may help you in court. Hire a lawyer, it makes things a little easier. Always think of your children first and what’s best for them. Even when you’re finally divorced do not think it’s over …that is not the last time you will be in court.
4. Holly: Take someone with you to all meetings with your lawyer! That way you have a second pair of ears and someone that will advocate for YOU. Someone that is NOT emotionally invested. You will be emotional and stressed and not thinking right.
5. Lisa: Never doubt yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Take advice from others with a grain of salt. You have to do what is best for you. Don’t rush into another relationship. Love yourself and get to know you again separate from the married you.
6. Maureen: Always think of the children first. Co-parent with grace and dignity. Compromise. Children do not need to see the bad stuff. No matter how much you dislike the other parent, never ever let your children see that.
7. Connie: Go to therapy first. If you go through with it, DO NOT use the kids as pawns. Remember Love your kids more than you hate each other. Stay away from lawyers, go the mediation route ( I know that could be a lawyer too) if you need to involve professionals.
8. Katy: If you have kids remember that they’re half your ex and as much as you want to hurt the ex using the kids it will only hurt the kids and yourself
9. Karen: Think long and hard and be prepared. Get your and I mean YOUR affairs together and only then make the move if you feel that is your only option. There is nothing fair about divorce and if you have kids they will suffer if you don’t put money aside and be prepared. The courts will not care about your kids well being so don’t think they will be okay. Divorce is horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
10. Tami: Don’t Unless you are being abused. No one wins and as a woman, you will be destroyed on every level- so if you are prepared to rebuild everything with no help at all and surround yourself with good lawyers and you have the money to do it. Then and only then are you ready
11. Tonya: The person you’re divorcing is not the same person you married. And keep it business polite.
12. TeachinLady: Be 100% sure that you are 100% sure you want a divorce. Forever is a mighty long time.
13. Sandi: Get ready for a very long bumpy wild rollercoaster ride.
14. Ruth: Get a good lawyer – even if you think it’s going to be an “amicable divorce“. There is no such thing – and the person who files first has more control in the divorce proceedings.
15. Yolanda: If there are kids, they didn’t ask for this so keep their best interest in mind at all times and YOU WILL SURVIVE!
16. Connie: Get a good lawyer and take their advice. All of it. No matter how mad you get, no matter what the other party does. Do what your lawyer says.
17. Yolande: It’s going to be a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Sometimes you won’t even understand why you feel like crying…you need to work through your emotions and learn to control them
18. Mary: Take a deep breath, think wisely, and do the right thing that will make you proud in the future. Bad decisions and mean words will come back to bite you. Kids are ALWAYS watching and listening. And remember to SURRENDER your troubles to God!
19. Jenna: Learn how to love yourself and forgive yourself. Let go of guilt and anger. But first, hire an amazing lawyer and get what you and the kids need. Don’t agree to anything in writing or arbitration without an attorney.
20. Ginger: Don’t rush into anything. Give yourself time to heal and get to know yourself again. Laugh again at things and yourself. Remember this to shall pass. Forgive yourself. Move on. And love yourself. You are your best friend.
21. Jennie: Try to find a divorce support group in your area.
23. Joyce: Treat the other parent with respect in front of your child, they are not bargaining chips…be nice
24. Anamaria: Never give up on your dreams. Always smile no matter how difficult the day is.
25. Kelly: You need to tell your kids age-appropriate reasons. It’s is easier for them to understand the divorce, and saves them from placing blame on themselves. If you don’t give kids a reason, it will do two things.
- They can internalize the thought that sometimes someone you love abandons you and this can drive anxiety and avoidant behavior.
- It shows them to accept being treated badly when they see it in your marriage.
26. Nancy: Know that the roller coaster of emotions is normal and just get to the next day. There is light. It will come. Be brave. Stand strong. Find support.
27. Denisse: Don’t let it make you “bitter”, become a better version if you, and be happy. Even if it’s not you wanting the divorce.
28. Shari: Check your emotions at the door when making financial and custody decisions. Divorce is all business. Don’t make hasty decisions based on an emotion
29. Kenzie: Trust the process and don’t settle for less than your worth.
30. Danielle: If you’re set on divorce, strike first. Don’t tell anyone anything about it. Don’t post about it on social media. And if you have kids, DO NOT use them as a pawn. Even if you hate the ex’s guts. Don’t tell them too much, and so your best to make it easier for them.
31. Jane: Be strong and know you are doing the right thing.
32. Ida: Don’t feel sorry for him and let him off easy. Never give him the opportunity to take advantage of you legally.
33. Sherry: Pray for your children and for yourself and get the best attorney.
34. Alexandria: Hire a great Lawyer and take him for everything!! Do NOT trust him. Make copies of everything you will need for court. Keep a journal. Start putting money away. The courts are a business and you are just another number to them! Keep your personal business to yourself. Seek a good counselor because it will help you. Have faith and stay strong, time heals everything.
35. Cathy: Every woman thinking about divorce needs to be aware of the fact that there is no justice in the family court system and that being a divorced woman can be a lonely and stressful lifestyle. Especially if you’re raising children alone.
36. Susan: If you have children; fight for them and show them every day how much you love them. Be strong! Family court sucks!