It all came flooding back weeks after we split, the signs. God, how stupid I was to miss them! The shopping at a local outlet mall to find him a new style of clothes and a watch. How angry he got when I asked about why we were shopping for a watch when in all the years I was with him I begged him to and he said he hated them. It all was making sense now.
When he told me in the car ride on our way home from the airport from my trip to Japan our marriage was over, I felt my whole world had fallen apart. If you had asked me I was not 100 percent happy in my marriage but, really, is anyone?
He had taken 14 years of our lives and removed them with one statement – “we are done.”
How profoundly those words can cut away at your soul on a thee-hour car ride. No sympathy, no apology, no explanation.
I had him pull over at a gas station because I could feel the vomit in my throat. At no time while I was in there did he come in to check on me. Without a doubt, he was texting his mistress letting her know the job was done. I was out and she was in.
As I walked back to his work truck, he used his work truck for his own personal use, along with his work cell to text and send selfies to his mistress, a lady stopped me and told me I had beautiful hair. Swollen eyes from crying and my hair is beautiful. This is my life for sure!
I asked him as we got closer to home if he was having an affair. There were no signs of any damage to us before I boarded that plane 10 days earlier. My husband kissed me and said he loved me as he dropped me off at the hotel to board my plane. The man I married kissed me daily as he left for work. We had been having movie date nights every Friday.
Evidence he was up to no good came out:
Two days after I left the text came from my daughter who lived with us informing me that the unsociable man I married strolled in our home at 4 AM. He would do it again that weekend. He never went out, had no friends outside of work so none of this made sense. Hence my reason for questioning his cheating.
It all came flooding back weeks after we split, the signs. God, how stupid I was to miss them! The shopping at a local outlet mall to find him a new style of clothes and a watch. How angry he got when I asked about why we were shopping for a watch when in all the years I was with him I begged him to and he said he hated them. It all was making sense now.
So why was he screaming at me in the car that he was not having an affair? He was afraid of getting caught. She was married also. She had a small child and was friends with his sales lady which is how she found the job and was hired only a few months earlier. She was 12 years younger than him.
When I found the texts from her on his phone two weeks later at our house (he was still living there but moving) we had just had sex and he was in the shower to go to work. I had a feeling and picked up his phone and there they were, text after text. My stomach came to my throat and the woman my mother raised surfaced. I snapped a pic and sent it to me and then deleted it off his phone. I stood frozen for what seemed minutes. I walked in that bathroom and brought his naked ass out of the shower and showed him my new discovery. He lowered his head to the ground and shook his head yes, he was cheating and it was who I suspected. I had never met her.
When the truth came out, his lies started:
The lies that would roll out of his mouth in the weeks following were unbelievable. He had no excuse, no apology, no regret. He even told me her husband (he lied and said they were separating) had threatened him. He told me in in his work parking lot he had feelings for her but how when she went home to her husband every night?
I watched her FB page and she and her husband were still together. My friend got on the husband’s page and he accepted her. The game was on!. We told him his wife was sleeping with my husband and all hell broke lose. We started talking via text. We were going to catch them. He sent his friends stalking my husband’s apartment which he had moved into.
And then, the crazy really started:
Then my husband’s mistress would discover my conversations on her husband’s phone. She started texting me as if she was him. She knew I was watching her. I needed signs of an affair so I could take my husband to court. I had the text, a recording of her husband asking her if she f-d my husband in the office and she admitted doing so with her kid crying in the background, and a pic of the cars in his work parking lot late one night.
My friend told me I should send her flowers and it was the most brilliant idea. Our court hearing was on April 4, 2014. I walked into the local flower shop and handed them my note to her sealed in an envelope. I added a balloon that said thank you. I prayed they didn’t open that letter. The letter stated this:
“J (homewrecker), I hope that in the future, if the moment presents itself where there is a taken man, no matter how happy or unhappy he is, no matter how sober or intoxicated he is. you remember the power you have to be part of destroying someone’s life, or not. Today ends a 13-year marriage because of the choices you both made. You could have said “no” knowing you were both married. Apparently, morals were not something you were brought up to honor. Your decisions define you. I hope, for the sake of other women and their families, you make a better decision the next time. You need to fall on that sword. (She said this when she confessed to her husband).” I signed it E’s wife. I included our wedding pic and few others.
He showed up in court that day, the flowers arrived early. He was pissed and almost canceled the hearing. My lawyer and I convinced him to keep it and I won a lot because of his bad decision. He held off my alimony payment which over drafted my checking account. Was it worth it? You bet your ass it was. I wish I was a fly on the wall at his and her workplace that day when the flowers arrived. No one knew about the affair and he lied to his boss about it. Explain those flowers, you cheating liar. Both of you. She still works there. She is still married. I don’t know if they are still sleeping together and I don’t care.
I am winning. My first loss was the best loss of my life.
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I am always a little confused when I read stories like this. How is the other party, man or woman, the home wrecker? Wouldn’t you agree if not them then it would be someone else? I guess it is gray area because it is easy to blame the outside party but then again you never know what information they were given from the spouse. Either way, a person cheats because they aren’t happy or satisfied in their situation. Period.
I had this happen to me also. When I read the story she clearly indicates she blamed both. Cheating is wrong and obviously he didn’t give her a clue that there were problems in the marriage which is wrong also. And yes if he didn’t cheat with this one it could have been someone else but in this case he didn’t, it was this one. Could have been, should have been didn’t happen, this did.
There is no reason to cheat, you are unhappy get out of the marriage or relationship, period.
Oh I agree cheating is wrong and that if you are unhappy then leave. I also find it hard to believe it when someone says their marriage was happy and normal, then suddenly someone announces they are done. I just meant that you never know what the other person was told. What if they were told the other was separated?? And as always, there are 2 sides of every story.
The mistress was married too so the whole thing was wrong. No matter who was told what they both knew what they were doing.
This article has many untruths. You were well aware your spouse was unhappy…EVERYONE knew your spouse was unhappy. Your statements about his mistress are embellished and false. Your home was already wrecked; a person cannot wreck a truly happy home. Your comments about her ex that you don’t really know and sending flowers makes you sound a little off. Maybe you should just accept he is better off and happy now and move on yourself.
I’m the managing editor of DivorcedMoms.com. You appear to know the author of this article. If that is true what you are doing by commenting here in a disparaging manner is legally considered harassment. I suggest you think twice before using this website to harass this writer again. You’ve been warned.
When did I say I knew the author? I feel like sometimes people in our situation need to hear the truth. It is my opinion that when people say they had no idea anything in their relationship was awry, that’s usually not the case. Making statements about the mistress’ previous marriage when she met her ex husband once and then sending her flowers at work is a little out there…again, my opinion. I believe that no outside source, male or female, can wreck a happy home…again, my opinion. Sorry that voicing my opinion on a public forum (freedom of speech) is viewed as harassment in your eyes.
I’m ateenager who is living with my mom nd also my family bt im so desparately looking for someone who is going to be my step mom also coz my mom is unemployed nd cannot provide everything for me im struggling it’s not that idont want her in my life again iwill be with her bt ineed someone who will take me as her daughter for more information or questions contact or whatsapp me on 0619813319
Shelly, the only comment I see on this article is your comment.
A happy marriage will not have an affair as a byproduct, and anger will get you know where in life. Without forgiveness your anger will ruin your life.